Hello, and to my small influx of new subscribers: welcome! So happy to have you here - I hope you enjoy. To the rest of you, good to see you again!
As is tradition when we’ve had a major red carpet event, this week’s newsletter will largely focus on the Grammys. Who won? Who should have won? Who wore what outfit? And so on. A little note up top to say that, as a general rule Emotional Speculation likes to be a little quicker off the mark with this sort of commentary, but unfortunately time has not been on my side this week. However, there is something to be said for letting both the looks and the discourse marinate for a few days before chipping in (even if that wasn’t necessarily the intention)…. right?
Just quickly before we get to the main event, a word on something I saw on the internet today: a haunting image of Jesy Nelson, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Ross Geller from Friends, in the Great British Bake Off Tent. Some other recognisable faces were there too, but I’m sorry to admit my eye went straight to Jesy. Largely this is because she hasn’t been seen anywhere bar her own Instagram since last year’s jingle bell ball, where she perfomed the only live version of sonic scourge that is her single “Boyz” to date. For those of you unfamiliar, the performance was the final nail in the coffin of her fledgling solo artist career coming as it did hot off the heels of years of blackfishing and general mean-spirited digs at her former bandmates. I assume appearing on the most wholesome show on TV is an attempt at image rehabilitation, but I fear she’s picked the wrong show. Not only does the British public gets really weird about this show, even the celebrity version which they generally care less about, but her fellow bakers are a truly gorgeous, beloved group of people: the delightful Rose Matefeo, the *actual queen of Essex* Gemma Collins and national treasure Tom Daly to name but a few. There’s simply no way she can hold up against that lot! The whole thing is quite literally rigged against her! Honestly, she would’ve been much better off going for the classic I’m a Celeb route and hoping for the best.
giving real twitter.com/liminal_places energy… creepy
Anyway, I’ve digressed. Let’s get to the Grammys. First up, we need to talk about Album of the Year. Obviously, we all know how I feel about Harry Styles. I like him as much as the next stan, which is to say I once dedicated an entire issue of this newsletter to Harry-related news. I saw him twice in 2022. I listened to a hell of a lot of Harry’s House last year - and I’m not ashamed of it! Once a teenage X Factor fan always a teenager X Factor fan, I say. But even *I* know that Harry’s House shouldn’t have got Album of the Year when it was up against Renaissance, which was in every which way a better album. Adele knows it, Lizzo knows it, surely even Harry Styles himself knows it. The good knews for Beyoncé from the night is that she now does have the most Grammys in the world thanks to her wins in other categories, even without AOTY. She now has so many Grammys to her name that she could fill a small car to the brim with them and drive them all over town. I don’t know why she would do that, but if she wanted to, she could, and not many people can say that.
this is her 32nd Grammy!!! 32!!
Other notable wins of the night include someone called Bonnie Raitt for Song of the Year (no, I am not familiar with her either, but good for her!), Lizzo for Record of the Year (welled up watching her acceptance speech! It was moving!) andTaylor Swift for Music Video of the Year. I find it incredible that All Too Well (10 Minute Version): The Short Film was even considered for this award, given it feels like it came out in the depths of the pandemic, not to mention the fact that Taylor has released a whole other album since then, but I guess time is elastic. Sam Smith and Kim Petras also won Best Pop Duo Performance for Unholy, a criminally bad pop song on literally every level that should never have been made let alone rewarded with gold, but I bestow my begrudging congratulations to Kim and Sam regardless.
Anyway, much has been said over the past few days about the relevance of the Grammys, whether they’re rigged, who’s in charge of them, that sort of thing. All important questions, certainly, and ones that everyone from journalists on Twitter to Grimes and Charli XCX have weighed in on, but not really what Emotional Speculation trades in. Instead, let’s talk about the outfits (but do read Hunter Harris’ newsletter on the AOTY stuff as well).
To be honest, the Grammys red carpet was… kind of a snooze fest? The way I see it though, the Grammys and the Golden Globes are just the precursor to the Oscars, which is really just the dress rehearsal for the MET, so when you think about it we’re only just getting started. Phew!
Best dressed of the night
Cardi B
As always, Cardi wore something that could be a bit weird but is in actuality just very good. She looked like one of the royal people in DUNE if they were really hot! Absolutely 10/10 to her, but then again - when have I not given Cardi a 10/10?
Doja Cat
Kim Kardashian found absolutely fuming that she didn’t think of the Kris Jenner pixie cut X full latex look first! JK of course, Kim Kardashian is nowhere near cool enough to execute this leewk. Doja Cat on the other hand looks - and I don’t say this lightly - iconique.
Harry in tinsel
Tinsel for tinseltown - neat! He looks good! Have to say I just really like this outfit and would like to wear it myself and shimmy around on stage like an animate Christmas tree. Is that so wrong?
Worst dressed of the night
… Harry in harlequin
Obviously the main purpose of this outfit is to show everyone who isn’t on TikTok that thanks to Marvel, Harry Styles is really buff now, and I do have to respect that. But I can’t really say anything more positive about it, unfortunately. Would like to Don’t Worry Darling myself into a world where those shoes don’t exist, tbqh.
Blac Chyna
Look, I have a lot of questions, but they probably all come back to: why was Blac Chyna at the Grammys?
Chris Martin
Truly no excuse for this. This man is 45 years old.
The also-rans (non-ranking, just worthy of comment)
From left to right: Taylor Swift in a very on-the-nose Midnights-themed dress, obviously. Lourdes Leon (Madonna’s daughter) in a little conical bra dress number (Apple, tree, etc!), and Olivia Rodrigo in a sheer slip making a powerful statement about big knickers.
Finally, before I wrap up, a quick note to say that I will not be saying anything at all about A*mie H*mmer and the Air Mail piece, for obvious reasons. However, I was surprised to learn from a different news source (Elle Magazine x) that he and his ex-wife spent most of their marriage having counselling sessions with Ester Perel, the world’s most preeminent relationship psychotherapist / esteemed couples-therapy-podcaster. I always wondered who the type of people who benefit from Ester Perel’s guidance through coupledom were, beyond the podcast guests. I can’t lie, now that I do know, I’m a little disappointed.
Well, I think I’ll leave this edition there for now. I’ll be back soon with more high-level nonsense, but until then, thank you, as always, for reading/subscribing/sharing Emotional Speculation - and naturally, lmk ur thoughts.
xoxo
P.S sorry for my typos. This is why other people have copy editors x