Hi friends,
Happy Monday!
I’d like to begin with a small brag which I hope you’ll indulge me in. You may remember a few newsletters ago, I predicted that Harry Styles would release new music in March, ahead of his Coachella performance in May. Well, the new album was announced at the end of March and his new single came out on 1st April, which I’m taking as a win (!) and which I hope you all take as an indicator that I really do have my finger on the pulse. Tell your friends!
Anyway, obviously this significant event means I’m dedicating this week’s Emotional Speculation to Harry Styles - and Harry Styles-adjacent - gossip, so buckle up. However frenetic you thought I was before, it’s about to get a lot worse :)
!!!!!
So for those of you that haven’t seen/don’t follow me on Instagram, Harry released a new single complete with a new music video on Friday. The song (“As It Was”) is classic Harry - nice n vibey, short n sweet and just catchy enough to soundtrack 10,000 30 second videos on TikTok with relative ease. Obviously his voice also sounds delicious, but otherwise it’s not going to win any awards (fine! Not what I want from him. I love it regardless). The video is more exciting though, and it’s what I’m focussing on today. Filmed in and around various modernist landmarks in London, from everyone’s fave brutalist building the Barbican to the Lubetkin Penguin Pool, it’s also full of references to Charles and Ray Eames who designed theeee chair of the 20th century (you know the one; the chair that launched a thousand copies, the one every graphic design bro wishes he owns, the black leather signifier of Aesthetic Superiority).
I’ve watched this like 20 times since Friday xx
Coupled with the album cover and the Joni Mitchell reference in the album’s name, Harry is sending us a message, loud and clear - you know, in case the Guccis collabs, Met Gala hosting gig and Stevie Nicks seal of approval hadn’t made it clear enough: Harry Styles is an Arbiter of Taste. He knows about architecture! He cares about contemporary design! He also loooves reading Murakami! And he really respects women! These latest declarations serve to signal to other Murakami men - men who hold these things to be true about themselves, and who want to dip their sneaker-clad toes into the pool of male popstars in a way that solidly affirms their heterosexuality - that he’s the guy for them. Mass appeal, baby! He’s achieved it! A stroke of genius, IMO. Nothing but respect for *my* Prince Harry!
Word on the street is that Harry’s House (the album) will feature a collab with the youngest Glastonbury headliner ever, Billie Eilish. A few months ago someone submitted a DeuxMoi blind that heavily hinted at the partnership, and sleuthy fans seem to think it was confirmed this past weekend at the Grammys. An otherwise horribly dull event**, the Grammys featured a performance from Billie with an upside down living room set, not dissimilar to Harry’s album cover. Throw in a well-timed Instagram comment from Billie’s brother Finneas and the odds are looking… kind of likely, I guess? To be honest I’m having a hard time imagining what a Harry x Billie single would look like (find me 2 more different aesthetics), let alone sound like, but if it’s true, it further confirms my suspicions/hopes that he’ll play Glastonbury. I’d imagine they’ll jump on stage together at Coachella to play their strange little song for the first time, so it would make sense to repeat for the UK audience. Again I say: fingers crossed!!
endlessly grateful to the stans for getting around the grammy’s copyright issues with this screengrab
For reasons that I probably don’t need to explain, my Tiktok algorithm has decided now is the time for me to enter my 1D conspiracy theorist era. As a result, I’m on the verge of becoming a Larry Stylinson truther (if you don’t know, please Google it, I genuinely can’t go into it here for the sake of all our sanities). I’m disappointed in myself for this, naturally, but also can’t help but be impressed by the effort present day teenagers have put into resuscitating a decade-old theory. Back in the day I just thought it was kind of ridiculous (surely Louis Tomlinson was far too straight to date his male band mate?), but now, with the wisdom of age, I just feel like… why not? What happens on tour stays on tour! And every time one of those perfectly edited videos pops up I can’t help but buy into it… they really did seem quite sweet and in love… so many stolen glances! So many coy little smiles! So many accidental hand grazes! One Direction in 2013 was basically Bridgerton season 2. Anyway regardless of whether it’s true or not, I’d like to thank the Tumblr of my youth for keeping me firmly out of that particular black hole at the time, because who knows how fervently I would’ve believed this if I’d been as exposed to it then as I am today. Shuddering to think.
Even though it’s old news by this point, I can’t let another issue of Emotional Speculation go by without commenting on the cultural reset that was Liam Payne’s reaction to the Will Smith slap. I have little to add to the conversation other than to say it was truly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, and if I were that journalist I would probably retire then and there, safe in the knowledge I’d done myself, my trade and my country proud. What an absolute scoop for Good Morning Britain.
I actually think I could watch this every week for the rest of the year and not get bored? A masterclass in how to get so ruined you forget you’ve ever in your life been media trained, despite the fact that (as you took great pains to tell us) you soldoutmadisonsquaregardensasateenager AKA you are really very famous. Incredible that with one 2 minute ramble, Liam has redeemed himself from the past 5 years of aggressive mediocrity and recent crypto-foray. More celebrities chatting complete shit, please! That’s what we’re all watching you for! Apparently he is now in the ring to play James Bond, which I do have to draw the line at. The guy can’t do an accent to save his life so god knows what his acting skills are like.
a treat
I think I’ll leave it there this week. I have another topic I am desperate to discuss but I need like 1000 words alone for it, so it’ll have to wait until next time. So until that moment (I know you’re all on tenterhooks) - this has been Emotional Speculation, and thanks for reading.
Xoxo
**excluding the fact that Kourtney and Travis got hitched at Vegas’ little chapel after the event, a move so true to their “teenage runaways in love” bit that I’m genuinely proud of them :’). Can’t wait for the piccies and the inevitable televised second wedding.
You did it again.