Hello readers, and thank you to those of you who have reached out to me this week. It’s been a particularly trying time, despite the new Lana del Rey album, so to know I have your support means the world.
I’m talking, of course, about those videos of Harry Styles and Emrata sloppily getting off in Tokyo. Deeply, deeply troubling stuff! Finding out Harry Styles kisses like that feels a bit like when a child finds out the note from Father Christmas was actually written by their mum using non-joined-up handwriting. It’s crushing, really. He was just drunk! I hear you shout. We’ve seen Don’t Worry Darling! We know he can do better than that! you say. All good points, which we take into consideration, but unfortunately I don’t think it quite rights the wrong that the video has done. It will take some time for us all to recover from, I think.
But let’s back track a little. Before everyone really WATCHED the video, forensically examining the kissing technique of two of the world’s hottest people, we just SAW it, popping up without warning or explanation on our timelines. It can’t be stressed enough that this the very best way to receive gossip: unexpectedly and completely out the blue. For me, it was a little surprise on the night bus home. And I have to be honest, it was thrilling, to me and everyone else! There’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned non-pr’d celebrity hook up to get the people going, and they’ve been few and far between of late.
In what must be a blow to ethical non-monogomists everywhere, rumours immediately started resurfacing that Emrata, Harry and Olivia Wilde had a little tryst in October last year and E + H picked things up where they left off, sans O. Whether this is true or not we’ll never know, but I’m obsessed with the idea that the former couple “flew Emrata out to Paris” for the occasion. Because where else would a menage a trois between a handful of People magazine’s Sexiest People in the World take place but gay Paris? It just makes sense!
Anyway, apparently Olivia and Emrata are IRL friends so this whole thing has caused some genuine problems between the three of them (fair enough). As far as H + E goes, I don’t think we’re likely to see them walking a red carpet together any time soon, or even making out against any other cars. I would imagine that given the furore this one drunken snog has caused they probably will agree to “remain friends”. Which, in Harry’s case, is probably for the best - it will give him some time to watch Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging for educational purposes.
And from one One Direction boy to the next, it’s Zayn Malik! Who is apparently dating Selena Gomez! To be honset, I really thought these two had already dated but I guess that’s the mandela effect in action. The news still bent my brain a little even so, and to illustrate why I’ve drawn up another one of my Emotional Speculation Unhinged Charts (patent pending).
PLUS years ago, when Instagram was still blue, Justin Bieber made some snide comments about Selena and Zayn hooking up (allegedly? it also could’ve been doctored. instagram was the wild west back then). So you can understand my confusion at this latest news. These two are so interconnected it’s mad! I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again: Young Hollywood is so, so small.
Not much else to say on this given it’s such early days, except it’s the first time Zayn’s been in the press since Yolandagate, so it’s nice to see him in the headlines for something a bit nicer. All the best to the new couple!
And lastly, it’s my civic duty to touch base on the trial that’s gripping the world. So far, there have been two stars of the show: Gwyneth’s court wardrobe (back to back hits, huge props to the stylist) and the plaintiff’s lawyer, who’s been employing a classic bait n switch cross examination tactic. Selective as the internet is though, no one’s really seen the switch. But we’ve ALL seen the bait. And what bait it is! It’s so enjoyable to watch. And fair play to her, she has done her homework on the art of fangirling: the compliments, the breathy little giggles, the putting herself down to build Gwynnie up. For me, it’s her weird obsession with Gwynnie’s height that really took the biscuit - as any stan will know, knowing the height of your favourite celeb is for some reason an integral part of of the job (I know it’s weird but I don’t make the rules!).
This being a legal trial, I decided to ask for Alex’s thoughts on the negotiations to give this newsletter some heft. “I don’t know enough about it yet to comment” was the original response (ever the lawyer!!), but when pressed I managed to get a “it seems quite a lax approach to cross examination” for you guys. Don’t say I don’t treat you. I guess we’ll find out if it’s paid off on Friday, when the trial wraps up. Until then, let’s sit back, enjoy the mild chaos, and hope Gwynnie gets back her half day’s skiing.
That’s all this week gang! I’ll be back soon with more goss, but until then, this has been Emotional Speculation. As ever, thanks for reading, and please do let me know any of your thoughts on any of the above.
xoxo